WARNING: LONG POST

Yesterday I mentioned that I felt I needed to post about something that could mean some big changes for me. Well, I couldn't bear to keep you in suspense any longer, so here it goes. This is almost as big as Jeremy's Big Announcement about the Return of the 'Fro. For this one you should be sitting down.

Here's the plan: (and Liane, I'm sorry I didn't mention this to you first...) I'm selling my house and buying an old VW camper van, and a mini-donut trailer that I got a really good deal on. I'm gonna head south, maybe to California, work the different festivals, and then make my way back north when it warms up. I've wanted to do this for a few years now, and the timing finally feels right. I'm feeling too tied down by my job, my house, and relationships. I need some fresh air.

Now if I wanted to be really mean, I'd leave it at that. End of post. I figure I'd get a few nasty phone calls...hopefully you all know me better than that though. No, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not selling anything. And I'm not feeling "tied down" by anything :)

But here's what's eating me. And again I am struggling with how to explain this all, keep it simple and clear...anywhoos. Had to start things off light, 'cause this has been heavy on me.

I have got some seriously messed up priorities. And I think a good part of North American Christians are messed up with me on this one. Finances. The stuff I spend "my" money on. And I say "my" because realistically it's not mine anyways, I'm merely managing it for God. And I think I've been doing a lousy job with it.

Now some of you who know me a little may say "hey, you own house, a beater of a car, no car payments, no debt...you can't be doing too bad of a job".

The other day I quoted some verses from 1 Timothy 6 that talk about contentment. I am far from content. Usually, when I feel discontent, it is because my relationship with God is not where it should be...I've slacked off in reading the Bible, or my prayer life is dry. But this time that's not the case. In fact, it's rather the opposite. And I think that's why I feel so convicted.

This time the discontent seems to be due to possessions. More specifically, I've spent so much time lately thinking about how I'm going to come up with money for the new camera and bike I've been looking at. We're not just talking any camera or bike either. Both are how you say...expensive. The scary part is that I can easily justify it to myself, and in a few months, could probably come up with the money to do both.

The problem is that lately I've been reading the bible a lot more, as well as a few other books, and the more I read, the more I am convicted about all the "stuff" I think I "need". And not just the stuff I think I need...I think our whole North American (and likely European) society is seriously screwed up. I work in retail, I see it first hand every day. Would you believe that we sell hundreds of hockey sticks every year that sell for $200-$300 each?! And some guys (or their parents) buy a few of these a year! Are they that much better with a $300 stick than a $25 stick? Do I need a $1700 bike to ride to work? I'll stick with examples that involve me, and hopefully none of you. My intention is not to make anyone feel guilty or anything...this is just something God has laid on my heart. We're all in different financial situations...maybe you can barely make ends meet. Maybe it's not to the same scale that it is with me, but I think it'd be pretty safe to say we all have areas where we justify something we don't really need. Hey, you're on the internet right now...how many of us "needed" the internet fifteen years ago? Ha ha.

Let's go back to the example of my camera. I was planning on selling my "old" camera for $1000, and buying a new one for $2800. Therefore I'd have to come up with another $1800. Not a huge deal...I get a decent income tax refund, and a few months of eating ham sandwiches, and I'd be the proud owner of a Canon 20D. But let's say I kept my "old" camera. With that $1800 that I would have spent on the upgrade I could feed, clothe, and educate five children for an entire year through World Vision. Or what about the people in my own church, my own community? $1800 goes a long way towards anything.

And it's not just about the camera. I make decisions like this all the time.

Know what else I'm sick of? The media. I don't have a tv. I don't subscribe to the Free Press of the Sun. I don't listen to the radio at all. I see a few ads on the internet. But take a drive down the highway 32, 14, or even main street in Winkler, and try to count the advertisements, business signs and reader-boards. Unreal. And you think it doesn't affect us? I can hardly blame myself for making stupid decisions like I do!

Ok, so here's another slant we could take. I was born in North America, and that's just the way it is, and we're "blessed", a prosperous nation, and I should just accept it, and live like everyone else. Don't sweat it. The stuff that was written in the bible about being content with food to eat and clothes to wear was probably only meant literally for the people it was written to...it's all figurative to us, right?

I don't know, somehow I just can't accept that.

What's God gonna say when I meet him? Thanks for taking care of all that money I "blessed" you with Warren...you took some really great pictures with that camera! I'm sure people were really encouraged by them!" Ha ha.

I don't know what else to say. This really bothers me. And it bothers me that people will likely think I'm crazy, or too dramatic, or just being too idealistic. I wish it were that simple.

Prayed a prayer the other day...was feeling pretty uncomfortable about all this, and told God "if this is from you, and I'm not just over-reacting, then keep convicting me of it by the Holy Spirit, and show me what to do about it; or let me be talked out of it, and forget the whole thing". So far I haven't been able to forget it.

The more I read God's Word, the more I realize how abrasive, how blunt it is. I was thinking about that this evening, and it made me so thankful to have a pastor who says it like it is. I know he'll never water it down or skirt around the real issues, the stuff that's difficult to swallow, or difficult to understand.

Anywhoos, gotta leave you with the same passage as the other day. Maybe there's something I'm not seeing here, something I'm mis-interpreting. If that's the case, try and talk some sense into me.

1 Timothy 6:6-8
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
For we brought nothing into the world,
and we can take nothing out of it.
But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.